Forgive And Forget: How To Fix Trust In A Relationship

They say that trust is like glass, once broken, it will never be the same again. Even if you put the pieces back together, you will still see the cracks.

Being betrayed by someone you love and trust is one of the biggest heartbreaks a person could experience. It’s a mixture of strong emotions, and most of the time we don’t know how to deal with it. While most people get betrayed by friends or family members, there are others who were betrayed by their spouses/partners. The most common reason for this is cheating.

After an incident like this, the first thing that may pop into your mind is to break up with your spouse. But, it’s not as easy as it sounds, you may still have feelings for them or you want to save your marriage/family.

You might be trying to patch things up in your relationship by rebuilding your trust. And we know that this is not an easy process and you still have some doubts if you should pursue this or not. Well, stick around and we will help you out.

Part 1: Is The Relationship Worth Fighting For

Before you build back the trust in a relationship, you first have to know if it’s worth fighting for. There’s a chance that your spouse/partner may lie to you again and all your efforts will be put to waste. If you want to survive this long-distance relationship, here are some factors to help you assess if the relationship is worth another shot after all the betrayal.

Confirm their Sincerity

You should know first if your spouse is really sincere, otherwise, you end up getting betrayed again. Here are some signs that you should check.

Sign 1: They are Less Defensive

If your partner really regrets and feels sorry about what they did, they will be less defensive about their mistakes. It means that they are aware of what they did and how much it affected them. They won’t defend themselves because they know what they did was wrong. They have finally lowered their precious pride.

Sign 2: Owning their Mistakes

If they swallow their pride, it means they are ready to take responsibility for what they did. And based on experience, you can trust someone who owns their mistakes. If they are willing to fix things and try their best to make it up to you, it’s a good sign.

Sign 3: Commitment toward Fixing the Relationship

Speaking of fixing the relationship, you should hear from your partner that he/she is willing to patch things up between you. If he acts so kind in front of you, don’t be content.

You should hear from their mouth that they are willing to go to any lengths just to make you trust them again. And don’t settle for bare minimum efforts. Make your partner work it and do his/her best.

Sign 4: Personal Growth/Change of Attitude

Once a person realizes all the stupid things he has done, and how those lies and deception affected the people around him. Let’s just hope that will help your partner change his views in life and become a better person for you and for your family. If you see that your spouse is developing positive personal growth, then it might be worth trusting him again.

Confirm the Feelings

Most people lose their feelings toward their spouses because of the horrible things they experienced throughout the relationship. Because their partners have sinned so much, all that love and affection was replaced by anger and hatred.

Ask Yourself

If the anger you feel is greater than your love, it would be best not to continue fixing the relationship. I hate to say this, but if that is the situation, your rage will be the reason why you can’t fully trust your spouse again. And it will affect your relationship every day.

And it’s not just about love for your partner. You might be thinking of forgiving your spouse for the sake of your children. Well, you can absolutely do that. Prioritizing your children more than yourself is a heroic act. But let me ask you this:

• Would you rather give your children a complete family with doubts and troubles in their relationship that may/may not lead to constant fights?
• Or separated parents that are happy and willing to cooperate with one another to raise the children?

Ask Your Spouse

If someone loves you unconditionally, they wouldn’t lie and do things that will hurt you. Maybe the reason why your spouse ruthlessly lies to you is that he/she doesn’t love you anymore.

And before you try fixing things in your relationship maybe you should confront them about what they actually feel about you. Are they even willing to fix things in the relationship? Are they willing to take responsibility for their mistakes?

If they are committed to staying in the relationship, that’s great. If not, then maybe it’s time to let go and be on your own.

Part 2: How to Build Back Trust in a Relationship

Now, if you decided to trust your partner again, that’s good. But, giving back the trust is not as easy as it sounds. And we know that you’re having some struggles looking at positive things in your relationship just to get that trust back. To fix trust in a relationship, you and your partner should work it out together. If the two of you work things out together, it will help strengthen your bond.

For the Victim: How to Trust Your Partner Again After Lying

It’s not easy to put your trust again in a person who lied and hurt you. We always fear that they might lie again. Having those doubts is normal, but you have to free your heart and head from those grim thoughts and keep an open mind.

Be Honest with Yourself

• Is there something that stops you from forgiving your spouse?
• Are you doing this because you still love him/her?
• Or are you doing this because you feel like you have to?

As much as you need your spouse to be honest with you, you should also be honest with yourself.

Are you ready to forgive them? Are you still angry? If not, then don’t force yourself. The plan of fixing and re-establishing the trust in your relationship won’t work if you’re not emotionally ready.

It would be best if you take a rest and let the anger dissolve. If you face your spouse and try to forgive them while you’re still in rage mode, nothing good is going to happen. Don’t rush and keep your head clear.

Forgive and be Understanding

This might be the hardest thing you have to do, understanding the reason why your spouse has to lie is the first step to forgiveness. Try to understand their side of the story. Ask them why they have to lie. Is it because of you or are they struggling?

Although you may not like all their reasons, try to be compassionate. I’m not saying that you should tolerate their mistakes. My point is to try to relate to how they feel.

Now that you finally understand and know their side of the story, it would be easier to assess your feelings about them. You can then start the process of forgiveness. And remember, forgiveness cannot be rushed, take all the time you need.

Look at Things from a Positive Perspective

Being betrayed makes you feel alone and sad. And to be honest, it’s really hard to forget the horrible things that happened. Well, if you choose to stay in that dark place forever, you won’t be able to forgive your spouse. Being betrayed really hurts, but you just can’t be mad forever. The only way to stop your misery is if you learn to forgive and be positive about the things around you.

Maybe this problem is destiny’s way to test your relationship. I know that being positive is hard especially when all you feel are negative emotions. But if you keep being negative and hateful toward your spouse, your relationship will be completely destroyed.

For the Lier: How to Gain the Trust back of Your Spouse After Lying

If you’re the one who’s at fault, then you better do your best. They won’t forgive you if you just act kind and sweet, you have to prove that you are worthy of their forgiveness.

Be Honest

They say that honesty is the best policy, and it’s true! If you have any more secrets, you have to let your spouse know. Hiding things from her won’t help. Even if it’s a white lie, it’s the same thing.

You should be transparent with your spouse. If you’re upset with something, tell them. If you’re feeling ignored, you should let them know. I know that when we’re feeling down, we sometimes make bad decisions that we keep from our spouses. But if you want to make it up to your spouse, practice honesty.

Apologize and be Sincere

I know swallowing your pride is not easy, but hey, if you want to save your relationship, the first thing you have to do is acknowledge your mistakes, apologize, and be sincere. And if you say sorry, make sure that you promise not to ever do it again, and you should stick to your words or else, your partner will get fed up with all your lies and might leave you.

Change and give Security

Your partner will have doubts, and the number of times you apologize may not help.

Fancy words are not enough, you have to show them that you really want to earn their trust again.

Change your attitude, and practice being honest with your spouse.

Be nice to them, and appreciate all the things they do for the relationship. Let them know that you’re willing to do and change anything just to fix your relationship. This will make them feel secure and slowly trust you again.

Give the Time and Don’t Rush

Don’t expect your partner to forgive you easily, forgiving someone is not easy. So you have to let your spouse take his/her time. Let them think things through. If they’re angry, then let them be.

Together: How to Build the Trust Back as a Couple

They say that teamwork makes the dream work. So here are things that you and your partner can do to build back trust in the relationship.

Communicate

One of the key factors in a relationship is communication. As I mentioned above, if something upsets you, tell your spouse. There’s no need to hide secrets. Being open to each other builds trust and strengthens your bond.

Forgive and Forget

Forgetting the past is not easy, and we can’t help bringing it up every time we have a fight with our spouses. And I’m to tell you that it’s toxic.

If you want to trust your spouse again, you should learn to forgive and forget. The more you dwell on their mistakes, the more you will hate them. This tip is not just for the betrayed, but also for the offender.

Your lying partner might be upset with something you did that’s why they need to lie. So stop the lying and betrayal, you both should let go of the grudges you have against each other. Start fresh and leave the past behind.

Seek the Help of a Relationship Counselor

If the two of you can’t fix this mess alone, then maybe you should consider getting help from a professional. Relationship/Marriage Counselors help those couples who are having issues with their relationship. It’s like relationship therapy, the counselor will guide and help you work out your differences and find a way to solve things.

Relationship counseling usually has a number of sessions, depending on the state of the relationship. You can talk about the setup and number of sessions you want or may need with your counselor.

Use a Spouse Monitoring Tool

To see is to believe. This statement is proven true and effective by many people. To believe someone, we need to see the evidence that proves their point. We all know that most of the lying and betrayal starts on their phone. And the only way that you might believe and trust them again is by seeing their honesty through their devices.

To ease your mind and end the suspicions, consider using a tool that would give full access to your spouse’s mobile device. And the only tool that is perfect for this job is none other than mSpy!

mSpy is one of the most trusted monitoring tools today. This tool will help keep an eye on your partner and confirm if he/she is making up their promises. It has features that will let you see all their phone activities and even know the people they talk to. Here are some of them.

Location Tracking

If you can’t trust your spouse to be truthful about everything they say including their so-called “meetings”, then why not remotely follow them with mSpy? This tool has an amazing location tracker that gives you their real-time whereabouts. Now you can confirm if your partner is really going straight home after work or attending to their other agendas.

Chats and Text Messages Viewer

If you constantly have doubts about their loyalty and always think that they might be cheating on you, well perhaps you can take a peek at their messages. With mSpy, you can freely see all their sent and received text messages. You can also access all their chats from different Social Media apps like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and more.

Now, if he/she receives messages from friends, you can see it before they try to hide from you.

See Installed Apps

There are a lot of dating apps today, and if ever your spouse tries to install one, you will be the first one to know. mSpy will let you see all the installed applications on your spouse’s phone. You can also see which app they use the most on the mSpy dashboard. How cool is that?

Apart from these three, mSpy still has a lot more features to offer. So don’t waste time and get it now!

Bottom Line

When a person trusts you, it is considered a privilege and a sign of love. That’s why it should be cherished and protected. Don’t do things that might lose a person’s trust in you. Think twice before making decisions, and most all don’t lie.